Blown Away

on monday may 20 2013                                    Oklahoma 2010            
a massive tornado hit oklahoma

if you know me personally
or have read my blog
for very long
(does anyone really read blogs anymore?)

you know
not only that
i have lived
through my fair share
of oklahoma
destruction

i also have had
a very very
poor attitude
with anything
regarding this state

in fact it isn't until
just very recently
i could even
say the word
without feeling
like i literally
could not breathe

unfortunately this
southern state
left wounds within
my soul that i
will spend a
lifetime trying
2 repair

i don't blame it
all on oklahoma
because much of
what surfaced during
that time really did
take a whole life time
2 build


yet just like anything
in life when surrounded
by darkness
there is always
a light a beacon
a small ray of sunshine

i can name a hand full
of people
who were my
southern guardian angels

cole had the best boss
you could ever ask for

i had the best neighbors
a girl could ask for

and a few wonderful
ward members

i had a neighbor who
only knew me in oklahoma
at what i would call my
very worst

she is a nurse
by trade

the best nurse
i have ever had
hands down

she took such
great care of me
and treated me like
i was so "normal"
when really i was not

her husband is a detective
and they were both
very involved
in rescue efforts
this day

for their own privacy
i will not talk about
most of what they
experienced

but after getting off the phone
with her as the second
waves of tornados
were hitting on friday

i got down to my knees
and prayed for their family

hard...

on top of the many
hardships we went
through as a family
while in oklahoma

we also weathered some
major tornado's ourselves

i know just how scary
it is as a mother
trying to decide
when the skies
turn an eerie gray

and the loud
alarms start
2 blare

you know the
calm before the storm?

you have a very quick
window 2 decide
whether 2 go get
your kids while
in school

or just leave them
because most schools
are built much safer
than homes
if you do not have
an underground shelter
which we did not

i unfortunately had
2 make many of these
quick decisions
and it still haunts me
in my sleep

yet unlike them i
will never know
how it feels
2 see the school children
who did not make it out

2 tell their parents
they did not
make it out

2 see more bodies
go to the morgue
than 2 the hospital

i will never know
what it feels like
after all of this
2 once again hear
the sirens
almost exactly
2 weeks later
and wonder if
god could really
do this... again

as you all know
this did just happen

it is hard to sum up
just how surreal
this has been

almost 3 years later
for our family

it is amazing how
in life when we
are in the midst of
an awful, almost always
"lifechanging" event
we ask the hard questions

why me?
what did i do to deserve this?
what could i ever learn from this?

almost always i am
able 2
years later
see the "larger" scale
of things

as i look back
on god's hand
in all things

and i see his purpose

that's how i have
been feeling about
these so surreal events

although at times through this
i have wished i was back there again

and i think it is only normal
2 wish i could of taken
the place of the 35 victims
lives

yet believe me there are
far worse things than death

may god bless my friends
who just lived through
these horrific events

and the families of those
who just lost their lives

life is so short

let's be kind 2 one another

show true compassion 2 all who are in need

and love like tomorrow is our last day

this i say from my heart
god bless oklahoma

we rescued the puppy above
from a tornado
and she has spent the rest
of her time
rescuing us

this my dear friends
is how god really works